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Have u ever been in a situation where ppl tell u not to think of stuff...
u know they say stuff like "try not to think about it" or "dont think about it too much"
But can u really not think of something...is it possible to take control of ur mind like that....somehow its like telling a tiger not to eat meat....u can keep the tiger occupied for a while with other stuff...but sooner or later, when u run out of things to keep it occupied its going to eat the meat!!!!
same thing with me i guess...i try to not think of it but it doesnt work.... keeping my mind occupied with stuff helps for a while...but when my minds idle...like just before bed or when i wake up...or resting...times like that...then everything just comes flooding back into my mind....i start going over it all agn....
i dont know y i keep thinking bout it.... i know whats done is done....i guess i know i had not much choice in the matter....ppl keep saying that it was probably for the best.... but some how i guess i just dont feel comfortable with what i had to do...it just isnt me....its not who i am =(
maybe someday all this thinking n all these feelings will stop...maybe.......
u know they say stuff like "try not to think about it" or "dont think about it too much"
But can u really not think of something...is it possible to take control of ur mind like that....somehow its like telling a tiger not to eat meat....u can keep the tiger occupied for a while with other stuff...but sooner or later, when u run out of things to keep it occupied its going to eat the meat!!!!
same thing with me i guess...i try to not think of it but it doesnt work.... keeping my mind occupied with stuff helps for a while...but when my minds idle...like just before bed or when i wake up...or resting...times like that...then everything just comes flooding back into my mind....i start going over it all agn....
i dont know y i keep thinking bout it.... i know whats done is done....i guess i know i had not much choice in the matter....ppl keep saying that it was probably for the best.... but some how i guess i just dont feel comfortable with what i had to do...it just isnt me....its not who i am =(
maybe someday all this thinking n all these feelings will stop...maybe.......
The End
my day didnt start out too well today....woke up n my mind straight started thinking bout what i did last nite...about whether the decision i made was the right one...about if the things i said were the right words....about if what i did hurt that person....about if i should have waited a little longer or not....given that person a little more time....
frankly im still not too sure...
do i regret what i did??? well at this moment, maybe i do a little...not too sure if its regret im feeling..or dissapointment....or sadness.. but its probably expected i suppose, considering this wasnt an easy decision for me to make....probably the hardest thing i ever had to do....my heart was torn n my mind in turmoil for the past week thinking of which way to go with....but i think, in the end, i didnt have a choice anymore...all the other options were either shut down or was too draining for me to take....guess my back was up against the wall n there was only one door that i could take...its not the one i wanted but i guess its the one i got to take...i probably will regret this for a long long time, but its done with n i cant undo it anymore.... if u are reading this, then pls know that i am so so sorry things ended up like this, i truly am.......
And to those of u who helped me out, thank u from the bottom of my heart...u were a great help, n ill never forget it....u truly are great frens, n ill cherish ur frenship forever....
k enough of that....too much mushy stuff aldy....
things didnt get any better though...
after the morning class i had to go to the udupi police station to hand in a few documents...so took an auto....and just my luck for the day..the auto i was in had to meet with an accident...aiiii....these indians and their mad driving skills...dont worry im fine..nothing really happened to the auto...heres what happened...there was a bus oncoming...suddenly this guy on an enfield (motorcycle) decided to overtake the bus (while my auto was coming in the opp direction)...all this on a road that is only 2 lane (stupid huh...yeah well this thing happens a lot here)...anyway my auto moved as much as he could to the side...at first i thought the guy on the bike managed to squeeze through...but he clipped the side of the auto n lost control (btw he was going quite fast) went skidding then started rolling like a bowling ball towards another bus going in the same direction as my auto...
thank God the bus stopped if not he would have been pancake...i jumped out of the auto...thought the guy would have been seriously injured...but he wasnt (or maybe it was the adrenaline pumping) cus he managed to jump up n run off the road...but he was limping pretty badly n looked like he was in shock...got him into the auto i was in...n the auto took him to the hospital...funny things..one waiter from the restaurant brought a glass of water to give the guy...hellloooo he just met with an accident!!! its not like he just crawled out of some desert....haha...anyway the guys bike was totaled...pieces all over the plc...poor guy...well hope he drives more carefully next time.... this left me stranded cus there wasnt any more autos around..so i had to walk for 15 mins to the police station with my class attire, leather shoes n bag in the freaking hot indian weather...i looked like i just had a bath when i reached the police station..
sigh sigh ...what a day .... on top of that i got pbl to finish for tomorrow...
life...what a complex thing u are......
well i suppose what doesnt kill u only makes u stronger huh....
frankly im still not too sure...
do i regret what i did??? well at this moment, maybe i do a little...not too sure if its regret im feeling..or dissapointment....or sadness.. but its probably expected i suppose, considering this wasnt an easy decision for me to make....probably the hardest thing i ever had to do....my heart was torn n my mind in turmoil for the past week thinking of which way to go with....but i think, in the end, i didnt have a choice anymore...all the other options were either shut down or was too draining for me to take....guess my back was up against the wall n there was only one door that i could take...its not the one i wanted but i guess its the one i got to take...i probably will regret this for a long long time, but its done with n i cant undo it anymore.... if u are reading this, then pls know that i am so so sorry things ended up like this, i truly am.......
And to those of u who helped me out, thank u from the bottom of my heart...u were a great help, n ill never forget it....u truly are great frens, n ill cherish ur frenship forever....
k enough of that....too much mushy stuff aldy....
things didnt get any better though...
after the morning class i had to go to the udupi police station to hand in a few documents...so took an auto....and just my luck for the day..the auto i was in had to meet with an accident...aiiii....these indians and their mad driving skills...dont worry im fine..nothing really happened to the auto...heres what happened...there was a bus oncoming...suddenly this guy on an enfield (motorcycle) decided to overtake the bus (while my auto was coming in the opp direction)...all this on a road that is only 2 lane (stupid huh...yeah well this thing happens a lot here)...anyway my auto moved as much as he could to the side...at first i thought the guy on the bike managed to squeeze through...but he clipped the side of the auto n lost control (btw he was going quite fast) went skidding then started rolling like a bowling ball towards another bus going in the same direction as my auto...
thank God the bus stopped if not he would have been pancake...i jumped out of the auto...thought the guy would have been seriously injured...but he wasnt (or maybe it was the adrenaline pumping) cus he managed to jump up n run off the road...but he was limping pretty badly n looked like he was in shock...got him into the auto i was in...n the auto took him to the hospital...funny things..one waiter from the restaurant brought a glass of water to give the guy...hellloooo he just met with an accident!!! its not like he just crawled out of some desert....haha...anyway the guys bike was totaled...pieces all over the plc...poor guy...well hope he drives more carefully next time.... this left me stranded cus there wasnt any more autos around..so i had to walk for 15 mins to the police station with my class attire, leather shoes n bag in the freaking hot indian weather...i looked like i just had a bath when i reached the police station..
sigh sigh ...what a day .... on top of that i got pbl to finish for tomorrow...
life...what a complex thing u are......
well i suppose what doesnt kill u only makes u stronger huh....
The End
Which would u choose?
To live ur life in blissfull ignorance, be happy and all and never know that what u were living wasnt true...
or
To be hurt/disappointed/angry after hearing the truth but know that what ur living at the moment is real...
.....on one hand feeling hurt or angry isnt nice (obviously).....but is living a lie(although in happiness)any better?? could u really call it living?? its not reality...
kinda like in the matrix movie huh...living in the matrix..u feel stuff, u smell stuff, u taste stuff....but can that be called living when none of it was real? just lies that were told to ur brain...
guess it all depends on which is better....which would u be able to accept..being lied to....or being told that u were being lied to...
as for me...at this point...its a question i cant answer for certain....either way doesnt seem pleasent to me...guess the best would be not being lied to at all.
To live ur life in blissfull ignorance, be happy and all and never know that what u were living wasnt true...
or
To be hurt/disappointed/angry after hearing the truth but know that what ur living at the moment is real...
.....on one hand feeling hurt or angry isnt nice (obviously).....but is living a lie(although in happiness)any better?? could u really call it living?? its not reality...
kinda like in the matrix movie huh...living in the matrix..u feel stuff, u smell stuff, u taste stuff....but can that be called living when none of it was real? just lies that were told to ur brain...
guess it all depends on which is better....which would u be able to accept..being lied to....or being told that u were being lied to...
as for me...at this point...its a question i cant answer for certain....either way doesnt seem pleasent to me...guess the best would be not being lied to at all.
The End
The End
well im back to the WASTELAND (to quote don trevor) .....second yr has started..
before going into that...since i didnt post anything during the hols...thought id reminisce abit about the past month..
the first few days i think i aldy posted about (mostly of what i ate)...
now lets see..what did i do after that that was interesting....oh yeah ..went to see the 4th UM intermedic physio quiz...that was quite nice...quite a few international unis as well this yr...for some reason unknown to me my uni didnt enter this year..wonder y ...we got 2nd plc last yr...anyway it was very satistying just sitting there and trying to answer the questions they asked the participant an actually managing to answer the majority of it....i thought every thing would have poured out of my head on the last day of exam (thats usually what happens) ...
oh and it was also kinda fun to hear the funny answers ppl give under stress...hehe..not to be mean i know its hard in a competition environment..but it was funny none the less... for example
Q: what process does the sperm have to go through in order to penetrate the ovum??
A(given by participant): decapitate (meaning = to cut off someones head)
A(actual) : decapacitation
and listening to the hong kong uni team trying to pronounce certain words was quite funny too..i know.. i know... im a terrible terrible person arent i ???
anyway...left the quiz around 12 or 1...then went to UIA gombak to see the CCAC taekwondo tournament...a big congrats to all our academy students who secured medals...excellent job and keep up the good work...wish i could join u ppl in training...
oh just a little suggestion to UIA gombak campus...gosh ppl fork out some money and put some ventilation fans in the female sports complex hall, or an air conditioning system...its was soooooo bloody hot!!!! how can u try to cool down a whole badminton hall with stupid small wall fans for heavens sake...
hmmm the following day wasnt a very nice wan...low point of the hols i guess... i "lost" someone i loved very much ... nothing much to say about that here...
so on to the next thing....hmmmm...oh yeah...went up to genting with ruben and Lembu (a.k.a Siong)...stayed at first world hotel.. heres a pic of the room
not bad for the price...anyway did the normal stuff there...theme park...jalan jalan around first world plaza....ate...and hmmm...ate some more...was a nice and relaxing trip.. here are a few more pics...
me on the ride i didnt go on last time i was in genting cus was over the weight limit...muahahahahahaha...im not anymore!!!
till the next post!!! cya
before going into that...since i didnt post anything during the hols...thought id reminisce abit about the past month..
the first few days i think i aldy posted about (mostly of what i ate)...
now lets see..what did i do after that that was interesting....oh yeah ..went to see the 4th UM intermedic physio quiz...that was quite nice...quite a few international unis as well this yr...for some reason unknown to me my uni didnt enter this year..wonder y ...we got 2nd plc last yr...anyway it was very satistying just sitting there and trying to answer the questions they asked the participant an actually managing to answer the majority of it....i thought every thing would have poured out of my head on the last day of exam (thats usually what happens) ...
oh and it was also kinda fun to hear the funny answers ppl give under stress...hehe..not to be mean i know its hard in a competition environment..but it was funny none the less... for example
Q: what process does the sperm have to go through in order to penetrate the ovum??
A(given by participant): decapitate (meaning = to cut off someones head)
A(actual) : decapacitation
and listening to the hong kong uni team trying to pronounce certain words was quite funny too..i know.. i know... im a terrible terrible person arent i ???
anyway...left the quiz around 12 or 1...then went to UIA gombak to see the CCAC taekwondo tournament...a big congrats to all our academy students who secured medals...excellent job and keep up the good work...wish i could join u ppl in training...
oh just a little suggestion to UIA gombak campus...gosh ppl fork out some money and put some ventilation fans in the female sports complex hall, or an air conditioning system...its was soooooo bloody hot!!!! how can u try to cool down a whole badminton hall with stupid small wall fans for heavens sake...
hmmm the following day wasnt a very nice wan...low point of the hols i guess... i "lost" someone i loved very much ... nothing much to say about that here...
so on to the next thing....hmmmm...oh yeah...went up to genting with ruben and Lembu (a.k.a Siong)...stayed at first world hotel.. heres a pic of the room
not bad for the price...anyway did the normal stuff there...theme park...jalan jalan around first world plaza....ate...and hmmm...ate some more...was a nice and relaxing trip.. here are a few more pics...
me on the ride i didnt go on last time i was in genting cus was over the weight limit...muahahahahahaha...im not anymore!!!ooooo din din with the dino....yeah yeah lame i know...we had no rides left...so went to the dinosour land (or whatever its called)
got caught in the rain while on a ride...got drenched....lucky no one got hypothermia (yeah yeah medical terms) =P
sunset at genting...from first world hote...beautiful isnt it
heres another one
heres a couple of pics of stuff i ate up there =)
*yummmmmmmmmmmmy*
oh...we finally managed to solve the case of the missing fishes...let me brief u on the case first... for the past year the fishes in the ponds in my backyard have been vanishing under mysterious circumstances without a trace...they just kept disappearing..and the perpetrator didnt leave behind any physical or trace evidance...well...the suspect was identified when the senior officer (my grandma) stayed over at my place...she saw a monitor lizard hop into the pond and catch a fish..the run back into a hole at the side of the pond (which it probably made) ... so after an extensive investigation we decided to set up a sting operation and put an end to the serial fish killers killing spree... set up a rat trap with raw chicken..and managed to catch it....i never knew that monitor lizards smell soo bad...took it and got rid of it near negara properties...here are some shots of the convict!
surveilance shot of lizzio a.k.a 'the fish killer' (surveilance videos are also available on demand)
the suspect behind bars!!!!!
oh...heres something different...i actually managed to wake up early one morning and cook myself breakfast ...something i havent done in a long long time ...hmmm...last time i cooked also was for someone...anyway..wanted to make my (self declared) famous n delicious cheese omellette as well..but didnt have eggs...soo settled with hot dogs and bacon alone...
next thing was a trip to jb n spore....reached jb around 8pm...spent the nite at my relatives place there....got too see my 2 nephews...gosh small kids grow soooo fast in 6 months..the last time i saw the little one, he was still in his baby kot sleeping most of the time...now...
the one that looks like his passed out on the couch is Ivan and the little one wondering what im doing pointing my hp at him is Nigel
the following day went to spore...met up with wilson and wan tze...had a nice time catching up... ate spore ice cream (which wan tze said i must have to complete the spore experience)....basically a slice of ice cream between 2 wafers ...hehe... thanks u 2 for a pleasent trip...
the last friday before coming back...morning went to times square to have brunch with looi looi (a.k.a sifu) and phin (a.k.a coconut)...ate at hong kong food and tea rest....they have such a wide selection of food and drinks..amazing...anyway ate and chit chat...then i went to buy perfume...got a rm 20 ringgit cash voucher so thought go buy a tshirt also ... now according to sifu n coconut, i apparently always wear dull colours (as phin puts it look like soil!!)..so they said they would pick the colour...haha..and i let them, how can u say no to 2 cute girls (eh i puji puji ...so next time must spend me lunch ya..hehe)...they ended up with this...not bad i must admit..not a colour i would choose myself, but doesnt look bad on me... =P
after that i went to a chinese rest in ampang with my uncle....then at nite went out with mesanka and his frens....went to espanda, then moodswings, then mojo then chestnut and finally ended at mesanka's plc.... had a great nite..thanks chief...we'll do another round the next time im back..one rounds will be on me (if i remember that is)...shit wish i had a pic of the beer tower, that was sooo cool...
anyway the flight back here was ok ...the roads from the manglore airport to campus is in such a shitty condition...i cant imagine how it got that bad in one month...
2nd yr schedule is relatively more relaxed than 1st yr....dont have classes on saturdays anymore..so thats nice.....classes so far are quite interesting....i have pathology, microbiology, pharmacology and forensic medicine this yr...oh and clinical skills tooo...
the lecturers are great as well ....very funny...especially forensic med
in forensic medicine class ....
L (old guy who looks very strict when he came in) : u may all close ur notebooks now, i wont be teaching anything today....today we will talk about some general bullshit!
s:*burst out laughing*
L: can anyone tell me what u think forensic medicine is??
S: *all quite with heads down*
L: i knew i shouldnt ask that question...u ppl always put ur head down...do u know it makes me envious to see all that hair on ur head..i know i dont have much hair left..well at least in this area i dont.
s: *burst out laughing*
(next topic was on medical ethics)
L: which is stronger ethics or law?
s: law
L: are u sure??... there is no law saying i should respect some one....a person can come up to me and call me a bloody baldy bastard....what can i do..nothing...
s: *burst out laughing*
L: what law says that u should respect ur parent...if my sons comes up to me and calls me a bloody idiot..what can i do ...
S: *burst out laughing yet agn*
hehehe...that class was sooooo fun....
well thats about it for now...oh this a new edition to my room furniture...hehe...my own water dispenser...for lazy ppl who dont want to walk down 2 floors for clean water!
till the next post!!! cya
The End
